candle burning at both ends / every day i write the book (+ hella many pictures)






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"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche


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2 0 1 7

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2 February






























i added these other photographs (from yesterday) today: 3 february


























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17 july

#BernieAndJillTagTeamForPeace



(o: y a y :o)





16 July












1 july
















13 july
(o: feeling nostalgic :o)

Yay: Rodney Mullen
January 1984 Thrasher Skateboard Magazine
(o: I have taken special care of my Thrasher collection :o)
I'll try to post more from these someday . . .

21 june
















Voting for Bernie Sanders makes my heart super happy


























12 april















































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19 march

 (o: hi :o)

i have had internet access pretty much everyday; i just have been avoiding this page...

i'm super honest and talking about myself sometimes involves talking about others and (believe it or not) i don't always feel comfortable doing that - so sometimes: i just don't say anything.

anyone who knows me (and anyone else who has read my oldest posts in full) knows i suffer - tremendously - from family dysfunction.

i posted some lovely pictures in january - :o) - but i didn't exactly "speak".

the reason is because something that happened to me was both too fresh - and - i had yet to wrap my head around it...

for the last year especially, i have been single-handedly* preparing my mother's home for a move to the other side of the city - because she was being foreclosed on etc and so on - a home which had been subjected to 30+ years of unimagineable hoarding.

(literally! as i still must limit the use of my left hand since shattering my wrist 3 years ago)

ordinarily that should be the hardest/worst part of what i have endured - but it hasn't been.

what has really fucked me up has been the way my mother treats me - the never-ending verbal abuse and random drunken rages... the apathy of feeling trapped: an unhappy home vs. no home at all...

i have had part-time jobs (and full-time work also but at less than part-time wages) here and there: so i have been able to afford to make my storage payments which is super-important to me. yay for that.

i have never even come close to making enough to afford my own housing - and it is getting worse everyday here in portland - people who always could afford rent are facing homelessness because of the extraordinary housing crises in this city...

so i sucked it up.

then, last summer: i got what has felt like (and probably actually is) the super-lucky break of moving into an adorable vintage apartment in a 4-plex in nw portland - in exchange for some maintenance on the rest of the plex and continued assistance at my mother's home in se portland.

yay!

however, as the foreclosure neared and the work to be done still appeared insurmountable, tensions increased; but also my mother's mood swings were at an all-time high - and it was almost impossible for me not to sink into total depression: my attitude and perserverance kept me "ok".

because my mother drinks and drives - and because her driving is terrifying to me in general - i am averse to driving with her and so i just won't! but due to the circumstances of it sometimes being necessary toward the end of the process of moving out (and most of all because there is no bus service in my neighborhood on sundays) - on the night of january 17: i went against my gut and got in her car with her...

after a terrorizing trip from "linnton to creston-kenilworth" - an argument ensued and my mother stopped the car (a block from her house) and refused to budge (because she wanted to scream at me some more) - she has a hybrid: a fact i forgot - so her engine was silent and i thought she had turned her ignition off... i was getting out of the car and though she looked right at me and clearly acknowledged that i was attempting to get out of her car - she put the pedal to the metal and i fell from the car and simultaneously the heavy door hit me across the middle of the back forcing my fall.

[her car is actually more of a truck, an SUV]

i prayed in the moment not to be badly hurt or killed. i don't know if it is because of my prayer, but i was not killed and i am only slightly injured (i hope - i am not yet positive that there are not undetected injuries to my back - i am going to try to see a doctor soon... because i am not as "better" as i had hoped to be by now.) - but the trauma of her doing that to me (while, by the way, i was in the midst of saving her from total ruin!) is still with me.

i was physically unable to continue moving her for two weeks - but my dad came to town to take my place and he meant well - but a lot of progress was halted. while still in pretty bad shape i returned to the tasks at hand... essentially, i morphed into a super-hero - i did it all!

my mother is now all moved. for a couple more weeks (longer if i get lucky) - i still have my own apartment but it is expected that i will need to vacate it in the near future so it can be rented to someone who can afford rent - and i will move into the larger apartment that my mother now occupies and we will see how it goes...

(this is an aside and not important to this train of thought thus far)...

oddly, we are presently getting along the best we have in a long time - maybe because i successfully helped her vacate her home with nearly all of her belongings - possibly because she realizes - on a different level - that sometimes we need each other - and - possibly because she "feels bad"...

my mother has not taken responsibility for or even apologized to me for hitting me with her car.

however, meanwhile:

MY MOTHER HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH A BRAIN TUMOR!

(she received this diagnosis about two days after causing my back injury)

is this why she has become so horribly mean and out of control and dangerous?

...am i safe?

is she going to get worse? will it kill her?

my mother has almost killed me twice now - and that does not include threatening me with a gun (about 4 years ago)...and she still sustains a drinking problem and other addictions...

this is my/our life and has been for a long time.

...it sucks...

even so - even with all these caveats: i love my mother.

i don't feel particularly safe or exceedingly happy - at all - but i am trying to stay "me" and i always seem to have faith that everything will be ok. i still have my faith. and all things considered: i am ok.

i have been babysitting ~5-6 days a week for the past month and i am still assisting my mother (almost) daily; but for the moment i also still have my apartment-sanctuary - and just enough alone time - a big YAY for this.

my best personal accomplishments of late is that i created special artwork for christopher robin's new (forthcoming) album - which shall soon be something i can share here; but i'm also super-happy that i drew this picture for me, myself and i: it's related to my childhood - but also my childhood is me at all times...

when i was a small child my favorite tv show was (when it was "reran") *family affair* - it had a profound impact on me.

i am not the best artist at drawing real people but oh my gosh - when i do - it is so exciting when they look so authentic - maybe i am better at it than i give myself credit for but also i think i want it to turn out well - so much - that i get lucky and it does: so this is my GOOD NEWS: i just finished this in the wee hours of thursday morning (march 17): yay for me drawing this before i die and can't draw anything ever again: this is buffy and her doll - mrs. beasley

(o: yay yay yay :o)




24 january
posted on the 29th















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3 january
posted on the 6th








 

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2 0 1 5

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11 december
posted on the 12th










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3 december
posted on the 10th



























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26 november

*adventures in pet-sitting*
thanksgivings with tui no. 6























16  november









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15  november















































9 november





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28 october








16 october






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8 october







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19-23 september











today is extra-special:


(o: snoopy - woodstock - me :o)
s u p e r  y a y



(o: this makes my heart super happy :o)

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19 september

i am so thankful for so much! i am super thankful for how strong i am. i am struggling with a lot of stuff - some of it is mine - a lot is specifically not - but i seem to be the one who gets chosen so often to be involved...

creatively: i am "in progress" on a lot of things; behind schedule but still on the case...

i have had an adorable apartment to myself for almost 3 months! this is about the best luck i have had in about 6 years - yay!!! - i am trying to avoid complacency and focus on ultra-positivity...

i already know that: this won't last

i am sincerely deriving the most from this solitude as i can - but i am also, simultaneously - facing a lot of responsibility - that i agreed to most of this makes it a little more manageable...but it's still a tough time for me in many ways...

taking the bad with the good; surviving the bad; cherishing the good...

some days i see how easily i might unravel;  yet every day i somehow keep it together.

peace of mind: i seize it every chance i get

hopelessness: i resist it as best as i can.

faith: yay that i am blessed with an abundance of it

...peace out and peace within...





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6 september; right around 8:20 pm pacific time

this is the moment  (in an answer to my own day-long question) that i spoke the words:

it was beautiful while it lasted

and truly understood how true and perfect this wisdom is




26 july


awakening sky
















20 july


e v e n  t h e  l o s e r s  g e t  l u c k y  s o m e t i m e


























































































































































17 july



























































































15 july

* u p  a l l  n i g h t *




















































































11 july
(when i posted these)
8 july
(when i posed for these)


























































































8 july (no. 1)

writing that date just transported me to Rock against Reagan, years and years ago, on the capitol lawn in Denver.

(o: good times :o)

so... once upon a time I was crazy in love with Farmville (I still technically love it but my farm was abandoned a few years ago now) - however - during the course of that experience I had accepted all these friend requests from fellow unknown farmers - :o) - at Facebook. it was a neat way to "meet" people I otherwise never would have but sometimes shit shows up in my newsfeed which makes me uncomfortable. having said that: this one meme today was likely meant to be positive on some level (even if possibly originating from a right-wing source) but it nevertheless touched a nerve because I see its seeming positivity as complacency with the status quo... and so about an hour ago I wrote this:

MY REBUTTAL TO THIS PHILOSOPHY:

"No living people, black or white, are responsible for what other black and white people did, generations ago."

I do not automatically agree with that sentiment. if we want to stop perpetuating racism we must actively COUNTERACT it.

[and a lot more obviously; this does not even touch on the issues of (disproportionate) violence against people of color.]


institutionalized "white privilege" benefits even the poorest white americans, whether it is asked for or not; white people conditionally are rather accepting of it. to be concise (I'm trying) - we don't reject everything which we naturally take for granted. last year I heard a powerful speech likening white privilege to having the wind at one's back: you may not realize its assistance but it makes things a lot easier...
 
I'm not saying all present-day/future white people should relinquish their constitutional rights or civil liberties to walk in the shoes of black history/herstory - but if we want to be unselfish about everything we may see ourselves as entitled to - that everyone should rightfully feel entitled to; then (in my opinion) white people have a responsibility to work as hard as black slaves did (metaphorically speaking) to ensure that ALL people of every color have these same liberties and rights in equal measure, because as of now, they still do not (theory vs practice)...

oh yeah: nearly every "modern day american" is living on land stolen from indigenous peoples.

peace!

-- kristin



4 july, ~5am

(o: g o o d m o r n i n g w o r l d ! :o)






~noon:

nearly everything i have will still need to stay in storage (for many years now) - as i am still without a stable home - but what an improvement this is - after ~7 years of live-in childcare, pet-sitting/house-sitting, couch surfing situations etc - all i can keep saying is wow and yay! the silver-lining to keeping everything in storage until i am really sure i won't need to for a long time (taking stuff out and then putting it back is so much work) is that i get to live minimalistic. which when bouncing around isn't something that i could fully appreciate; until now.

i stayed up until ~7am setting these scenes:


















































1 july

(o: happy cannabis liberation Oregon :o)








30 june

. . . epic changes in just 2 weeks . . .

for example:

i am writing this entry - at this very tuesday moment (on a borrowed laptop via 24/7 internet) sitting on a free - neat-o - big couch in the living room of a super-charming-super-cool-quaintly-funky old-school 4-plex riverside apartment in nw portland - which i now officially occupy for the foreseeable future: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!














(o: holy cow wow wow wow :o)


however - so as not to be remiss - i no longer have that job which i was recently so happy i had. i guess that maybe sucks? somehow it felt ALL RIGHT to let it go - like it is what is probably best for me (because my boss was really bumming me out and i am really awesome and it's not supposed to be like that! i truly rocked at that job...) and something better is hopefully coming my way.

and - seriously - i live really far from that location now. so in a way - my life is actually going to be much easier/less complicated - in some regards. i usually almost always - (o: - figure something out (just in time for whatever it is i am needing to resolve) and make it through.

and meanwhile: mostly everything else is superb! as of last night (yet tentatively probably happening for months; now i just had to wait and see...) - fleeting as this may eventually be - i live alone in an adorable apartment and i am super happy about so much and i feel the bestest i have in so long and my outlook is super-positive. :o( except fuck this weather )o:
plus: TOMORROW IS JULY 1 AND CANNABIS IS LIBERATED IN OREGON: FUCK YEAH!


(o: everything is super-yayful and i am very blessed :o)





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25 june (posted 6/25-27)

(also some new stuff has been added @ my 6/12/15 entry)




































































(o: yay for this :o)




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(o: p e a c e :o)




22 june

(o: i'm done for now. i think :o)
(o: she said; facetiously :o)








































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21 june












!one hundred ten million years!
do you know about Gondwanaland? it was a super-continent which included Australia...
this is a super-neat book I came across at the library
(o: i love you library :o)









20 june

i had fun with the camera yesterday. i don't (usually) set out to take so many at once; i just really get into it sometimes. when i look at them when i am done, it's like: wow: i had no idea i took this many:































































































































































































































































































































































































(o: squirrel meets skunk :o)


18 june, ~9:30 am
(posted on 6/19)






14 june

















































































12 june
(posted: 6/19)
(original beginning* text-ed here the next day: 6/20)
(photographs taken/added: 6/25)
















if i come back now: i can't pretend it's not because of you

either/or and
i'll probably be misunderstood: no matter what i do
(yay if it is different with you) 





this I wrote before I added the first verse (as text) above (on 6/20) --

[...i didn't share the first verse yet - i forgot to bring it with me today (to the library) so i will have to include it some other day - meanwhile i will say that it became evermore true exactly one week later - most strangely because something otherwise totally unrelated occurred but it made itself way connected once it happened and gave my poem new layers of meaning. why i didn't scan that part (yet): it's not secretive or anything like that (o: though i presume i/it will probably be misunderstood no matter what i do :o) - when i first scanned this i thought the poem might be stronger starting here mostly, so i folded the page to make it start at the third verse (the second verse sort of repeats in the next to last verse - so nothing was essentially lost there, just not underscored by repetition) - but in retrospect - the first verse (which is NOT shown here - and which i originally thought was so specific - turned out to be transformational and yet still really specific in its new way...) - like whoa... life is such a trip... (to be continued...) ps: i know i am being cryptic. sorry. it is the internet; sometimes it is better that way...]









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10 june

(o: i have circled the sun again :o)











30 may

. . . if i did have regular internet access and/or more free-time; a sample of the topics i would try to essay:

the path of most resistance . . .
my amazing powers of regeneration . . .

moments in music like my week-long modest mouse-a-thon; revisiting guster's keep it together; jeremy enigk covering king of pain (live); the afghan whigs cover of come see about me = brilliant; lucy kaplansky and richard shindell at alberta rose theater - especially getting to hear *are you happy now* which is a kick-ass song that i love; going to see my friends play around town so much it seems like all the time sometimes (justin, scott and jim and i have been friends for sooooo long - and they have had so many bands - i am super-lucky to have such hardcore rockers for best friends - and yay for all the bands who play shows with them and yay for the free shows at twilight);  jeffrey lewis's sonnet youth project (yay for super neat ideas); being touched by angels on october 5 and getting an amazing free seat at the old paramount/now schnitzer auditorium to see my songwriting hero ryan adams - yay in every way - and i love every record ever by him and his new one is so everything i hope for but always surprising just like everything he puts out - *m*a*g*i*c*k* - 2014 was full of highlights but ryan is always like the best thing ever - sincerely; then this wish came true: the jimmies starting out 2015 with the only reunion show which will probably ever really matter to me; frog trouble; the basement tapes (both raw and complete) - (o: tra la la :o)


ok i will expand for this one...
i got a new job - a job that doesn't fucking suck! - and i might write more about it later (though i will never say where i work on the internet - i am smarter than that) but that is not the lead, the lead is: i was walking home from my walking-distance job (yay for this right now, i am about to move further away soon) which i had just started (in the middle of march). i was feeling super happy even if it was pouring down rain... one moment i am on one side of the street (behind the hawthorne fred meyer) and i am as i am and have been - but just as i crossed the street i was somebody newer than that person before:

   as i approached the curb, i saw the saddest thing i ever saw up close... i saw a dying rat trying to crawl from the side of that street (in the gutter area i guess) to just be able to move - it was able to drag itself maybe a mm a minute, it was badly hurt. i don't know if a bicycle or a car ran over his/her legs or what but it was paralyzed from the waist down, struggling for life with rain pounding down...

):

i got out of the street so i didn't get hit, i happened to have a t-shirt in my backpack and i used it to pick up the rat and move it out of the rain, first under some bushes but then i saw a better, drier, safer place. i didn't know what i could do - it would be worse to carry this wounded animal home 2 miles than to leave it for the moment - i knew if i told the store (or possibly anyone i did not know i could trust) that they just might (violently) kill the rat... so i walked home and thought of what to do. after i got home, i arranged a ride back and i made up a little box into a soft bed and returned... i was worried i was too late (i'd been preparing myself for that as much as i could) - when i went to where i left the rat, at first i found only my t-shirt, but then i saw where the rat had inched away about two feet or less, half-obscured by bushes - looking not alive...

):

i started to cry and i bent down to pet the rat's head and say a little prayer when - as if it was the last possible strength left, the rat lifted her/his head to show me she/he had not yet died. omg. i carefully moved the rat to the little box-bed and we drove home. maybe the rat died en route... the rat's eyes were opened and it was hard to be sure, but he/she had been breathing when i first placed the bed in my lap in the car. but the rat closed her/his eyes soon after i got home. i waited overnight, twice, in case the rat was only comatose, but when i accepted that the rat had died, i buried it in the backyard...

i know this story might affect people differently, but for me - the one it happened to - it made me more of who i am, someone who loves animals so much that i could fearlessly try to save a dying sewer rat. this sad death of this sweet squirrely-rat has blessed me profoundly...  i am always helping animals whenever i am needed of course and i have attended to wounded/dying animals before; this time was especially intense. especially epiphanic...  i think maybe what struck me most is that out of all the people in portland at that moment, i was there when that rat needed help so bad... it was in the road, dying in the rain... and suddenly i appear, a friend to animals always... this rat needed someone just like me. i helped immediately and i went for help and came back and because of me the rat died much more peacefully in the sanctuary of my room, hopefully knowing somebody cared very much. that feels like a gift to me. i got to be that person who cared very much. i got to prove to myself that i know who i am and what i am capable of and willing to do... so my story is sad to me yes but it is precious also: one single moment...epic...

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cinematic awesomeness: f for fake (orson welles), orson welles: the one-man band, absolutely true; restorations of: l'atalante (vigo), rules of the game (renoir), cocteau's la belle et la bete; the lady with the dog; the kid with the bike; viridiana; boudu saved from drowning; the wages of fear; chelovek s kinoapparatom; cbgb; medium cool (it still really holds up, doesn't it?)...

retroactive profundity: "it was last october on a tuesday night when she said 'fuck you it's over'..."
(like whoa)... i sort of lived that song, too...


to be continued...



28 may

i think about this page a lot - and how much stuff i have been planning to add to it - the thing is - i was (in general) unemployed for a long time - it was really hard going for so long being so broke but i always cherished the free-time and i tried to make the most of it... i kept up with this site better... i wanted to be writing prolifically but my *living arrangement* - unfortunately - has not been conducive to my writing - i have too little privacy where i stay and also my mental state is subjected to some really harrowing shit (here) as well. however, i drew lots and lots - so much that spring 2014 - spring 2015 may well be my most prolific period as an illustrator - and - in a way - a lot of that time spent drawing was helpful to my writing projects - especially since one of my projects is destined to be a graphic novel - so what i guess i am trying to say is: yay yay yay for all my new artwork and a really big YAY that i get paychecks now. i still need "for real" housing (and still can't afford it) - my life is in no way worry-free at this particular juncture - but getting my new job is a huge accomplishment and i truly feel like everything is way better in general (i am hopefully not jinxing any of my good luck by acknowledging it!) - only i have very little free-time now, comparatively speaking...

i miss all my free-time but does anyone else care? (o: just wondering :o)

so as i was saying - i have SO MUCH stuff to add at various pages at this site (including this page) - i think i will get to do some stuff this weekend (maybe) and almost definitely when i pet-sit in july (i have a july gig every year now) i hopefully will do some marathon updating - meanwhile all i can say for sure is that i am very anxious for opportunities to do this and so especially excited about some of these things in particular - [like a lot of art that had been misplaced/impossible to find in my storage - most everything i own has been buried in storage for ~8 years (and still is) but i did find a lot of what i have been looking for, about 2 weeks ago - and it's some of my very favorite artwork - yay yay yay!] - that every day - i set the goal of accomplishing this work to be done, asap...

my mother got a new laptop computer - (o: asking her for favors is rarely worth the outcome :o) - yet she did allow me to quickly try out its webcam monday night; and i took these not very impressive pictures (in poor lighting) of myself and some of my drawings (which i have hanging up in my bedroom): also, i drew most of these in this same room...so it seemed to me that i should do this. i have to give this room up very soon (more about that some other time maybe)...

my hair is now so long that it doesn't fit in photographs that are taken from close-up (which is all that i can take with that laptop, under present circumstances) - this is not a profound observation; but personally speaking: i'm thankful to myself for showing enough patience to grow my hair longer. every day when i start heating up i am very tempted to whack it all off again, although i promised myself not to do that yet... should i eventually cave-in - i wanted to at least take some pictures first...

yeah, i feel silly writing that (with the added intention of posting it to the internet) - but that's nothing new - and because i am comfortable with my silliness; there it is...

...the stuff i need to scan (so i can post it at this site) and the things i plan on writing about here - are way more exciting, in my opinion, but for today, this will need to suffice. peace!...




















 





16 march

i am at the library with 10 minutes of time left before they close: so this is not a good time for updates - but yay yay yay - i am so excited about this - i drew it this weekend:



 


le ballon rouge (avec moi)
(o: i drew this :o)

i drew this for myself: to celebrate how very happy i am in general and in particular
because sometimes wonderful dreams do come true!

*i am scanning this at the library and i am not able to change their settings so i couldn't make it all fit.
i shall make a full-size scan asap and then you can see it better...
i am too excited about drawing this to wait for that! i hope you like it as much as i do.




7 February

...a lot of life stuff is happening...

I'm not sure when I will (next) write at length on this page again; I feel sure I shall sometime... I certainly have a lot to say (whether I should or not) about a lot of things. I will say my outlook is extremely positive and I remain one of the most optimistic people that I know. Yay for my optimism.

(o:

today I remembered this picture of me and Phyllo, from around this time last year. I'd posted it one way and then Google sent it to me (in an e-mail) as a present wrapped up with all this extra love. special nice surprises make my heart super happy.








1 February

(o: i accomplished a lot today :o)


















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* poster sized *







new seasons market semantics dismantled

by kristin angelique


NEIGHBORS make this a super happy place for US: we are laughing all the way to the bank! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
EVEN if we just mowed you over; don’t tell anyone: EVER (and if you are an employee: remember your contractual vow of silence)
WE make shitloads of money with our logo-ing…

SO… we can afford to take over as much SPACE in your neighborhood as we possibly can
ENJOY this posh experience!
ACCOMPLISHING wonders: our logo-ing strives to dupe existing and potential customers
SUCKERING them into imagining we must be really progressive and placing their financial trust in us
OF course, if we were progressive, we would OPPOSE environment-destroying/multi-death corporations: for instance
NOR would we eagerly sell you toxic foods; it’s your choice which products you choose: we get rich on it all!
SQUIRMING out of responsibility for a plethora of injustice becomes a moot point: were we progressive…

MORE importantly: we tactically capitalize on our charitable front: this style of advertising is brilliant!!!
AT the end of the day we look like “good guys” and we get super-rich!
RICH RICH RICH RICH RICH RICH RICH RICH RICH RICH RICH RICH
KEEP giving us your money please!
EVERYBODY sing!

THE BIGGEST JERKS IN TOWN the biggest jerks in town…New Seasons Market…
THE BIGGEST JERKS IN TOWN



* * *















* * *






* * *   * * *   * * *

2 0 1 4

* * *  * * *  * * *


(o: 2015 will be starting out awesome :o)









25 december












9 december

(o: i drew a lot of pictures last week :o)





































top to bottom


(o: festival of lights :o)
colored pencils
kimberly kristin angelique

[*i couldn't wait until next week - i might get hit by a truck...]

*

joy to the world (come see about me)

*

*this is a true story*

*

Madeline / Eiffel Tower
adaptation/artwork by kimberly kristin angelique
(in tribute to ludwig bemelmans)
*someday this will surprise you*

*

Madeline
Toothbrushes / Bedtime
adaptation/artwork by kimberly kristin angelique
(in tribute to ludwig bemelmans)
*someday this will surprise you*

*

...someday you'll know... no. 1
kimberly kristin angelique
colored pencils

*

...someday you'll know... no. 2
kimberly kristin angelique
colored pencils



* * *   * * *   * * *   * * *






. . . thank you thank you thank you . . .





27 november

(o: yay for today: it is being super nice to me. :o)


26 november

I am in a hurry again, at the library, but here is this for the moment and I will be writing and adding more stuff soon: peace!










(o: toby made this just for me :o)





i waited in line with the dallas cowboy cheerleaders!
that is why i saved this: it was so cool!



16 november

so i am at the library racing against the clock: they close in an hour
there is a stupid spellcheck fucking with me (my spelling is great; it's the capitalizing that it keeps fixing against my will that is messing me up...) it took me an hour to get here on the bus - i got all my scanning done (well no i didn't, i got the stuff i brought to scan really fast today: i will likely never be "done" - even if i finish this one stack that is still waiting, i have way more in storage to take its place).

why am i rambling when i need to hurry? maybe i'm nervous because i know i am about to (inadvertently) wear my heart on the internet's sleeve... (something like that) ...again... it's really different (this time) yet it's eerily familiar...

the best thing about this weekend is getting these words and feelings from my head and my heart transformed into art and poetry. i thought i could do it, but now that i actually have: yay yay yay!

(now maybe i can focus better on everything else, especially my book) 

also this partially sums up September and October for me! (o: this is very helpful :o)

let me start with the art (i can post words at any computer with internet access) which i just scanned:



*for an addendum to this, see below...





(remember you can click pictures to see larger images etc)



this is a lot like a poem; i just needed to say some things in my own way...
is this prose? you tell me.


this is right now

...what if...
i told you i made a wish
right after i met you
to meet someone - like me
and fall in love

i am not sure why i did that
made that wish on that day
i just did

i suppose(d) it was because i was in this really good place
and i had this upcoming opportunity
to meet new (and presumably like-minded) people
...what if...

what if someone that i might meet (there)
was someone whom i felt like i was meant to

could it be that i was thinking that way because it had already happened

so i guess i am telling you now
and it is totally true
i just hadn't immediately connected that wish of mine
on that particular day
to actually meeting you

but in retrospect: wow
within a few weeks: my wish had briefly - yet completely - come true

i'm not sure i knew you then
i don't feel like i know you now
i'm not sure what about you is true
maybe not anything you ever said
each time you told me: me too, me too
...me too, me too...

Sound on Sound
that song wasn't likely literally written for me
yet metaphorically: that song has plagued me

i should be way more careful; at least i should be more precise
...what i wish for...

that doesn't mean: i wish it wasn't you
who made my wish come true
just that just because
i love MYSELF so much
and someone else sounds like someone who might be like me
that this alone doesn't add up to a love that is true

but when that was then
before this is now

i thought i caught a glimpse of it
when you looked at me; when i looked at you
...i believed i did; i believe i do...

i've given this a lot of thought
these past few weeks
since i said goodbye to you

i feel a little ashamed: for being so bored that i was so easily amused
(there is no denying its entertainment value)
i feel somewhat guilty: for seeing just how far i could push you

(far away)

yet it is i who was the first to walk away
i didn't even see that coming (though i considered it seriously)
it's not because i couldn't take it any more; it's because i chose not to

wow: what a concept: i can choose to just walk away!

is it coincidence: i'd told you i'd made decisions before like this
once upon a time
(and also how i am very forgiving) (in my own way)

THIS is not nearly as bad as THAT example i gave you
...and there have been other times...
times when i did not walk away as soon as i maybe had ought to
(but there is virtue in perseverance too)

THIS TIME: i (was) trying to PREVENT an unhappier ending
you fucked that up for me
...but you can't say i didn't try...

whatever happens next - or doesn't
no matter how mad i make you or how mad you make me

you cannot take that moment
of me being the first to walk away
away from me

i left first - and yet i have never once stopped trying to be nice
so maybe that is why
even though THIS did not work out the way that i had hoped
i am feeling very blessed
because i still have my goodness
and i still have my pride

i meant it when i told you: that psychological pandering of which you spoke: is EVIL
if that is the strategy which you are perpetuating
a lot of fucked-up shit is probably out there and just waiting

but i am in a really good place right now: i will hope for something better for you

--kristin angelique
(for jeremy shockey)
15 november 2014


* so i know there are many explanations for opposing amendments and ballot measures in general... i know the whole song and dance that goes something like this: it's weak, it doesn't go far enough, we can do better...

so think that way all you want and by all means propose even better legislation, collect enough signatures and then get the votes... but until then - take what you can get while they are giving it away - while it's up for vote - vote for it! this shit can take years (and years and years) - but the best way to expand and improve on issues and situations in the first place is to make them a law... there are many examples to be found...

but as weak as the "it's too weak" argument is - in my opinion, only those who will be directly positively impacted by its passing get to debate whether it is good enough. if you already have these rights/protections/benefits under the law - get the fuck out of the debate - only if you are willing to surrender your advancements until everyone else gets them can you muster any credibility for a counter-argument.

in my opinion, there is no counter-argument to my feeling this way: you are either for or against something. if you vote against something - because it is better but not best - that's like voting for it staying worse... if you don't cast a vote at all: you are indirectly supporting the impedement of progress... which is stupid and fucked up.

--kristin
11/28/14
12:55 am


* * *






* * *

5 november

so maybe when i pet-sit next time (thanksgiving weekend...) i will update this site finally, and write at this page...

but for today - with time running out at the library - i just want to finally post this set list from this amazing concert which thankxs to angels i got to be a part of: yay!

ryan adams
arlene schnitzer concert hall
portland oregon
5 october 2014







19 september

tonight i saw a shooting star - or a meteorite maybe - this i know: it was magical to see.

you might say also say it was a motivating factor for me to walk to safeway to use the internet at 11 pm at night. i was rooting for me to do this - because i haven't checked my e-mail or updated anything recently - and i was kind of having a technological withdrawal. part of me thinks this is a good thing - going without technology for a while... except my o.c.d. likes me to keep on top of things. any how - a shooting star prompted me. yay.

for this moment in my life - not just because i love special moments under starry skies and tonight was extra-special - but just all week i have felt magic in the air and my heart is very full of joy. i am happier this week than i was last week. i was happier last week than the week before. i could keep going. it's been that yayful. and just now - i just coined that word. this is me doing that. this magic moment just got even yayier.

love and peace and starry skies

this has been the yayest week

(o: make that three words :o)





hi. it's already the end of august - whoa!
i have had an incredibly busy summer.
i keep thinking that i will get some time to update my website
a lot better than i have been...
it's tough because i mostly rely on the library for doing stuff on the internet.
about 2 weeks ago i had this great pet-sitting gig
sometimes when i pet-sit - it is a great opportunity to work on my website
and i always try to make the most of these opportunities
but this time the place i was staying - the computer was way to slow to make progress
that was fine - i drew a lot instead - and i focused on other projects - it was an awesome time
*caring for the flower gardens - the vegetable gardens - was enriching*
the backyard was really spectacular; a tiny paradise. twinkling lights at night...
(it reminds me of the love street sequence in oliver stone's the doors)

eight sacred nights of soul-soothing tranquility

tomorrow i begin another pet-sitting gig, maybe i will catch up then
i don't know until i find out tomorrow

since i am at the library today - posting new art at my art page
it seems like a good idea to at least say hello at this page
this way - whether or not i have an easy time editing my pages - once i try this weekend
there will be less pressure on me. even if it is as easy as i hope it is...

...i am super-focused on my writing projects...
(my book mostly!)
i've been making lots of progress; i might decide not to risk interrupting its flow

i've done a lot of work on this website in the last ~3 years!
it's really ok when i take a break. having said that: i feel better already.

yay for all my new drawings, too.
i have many more new drawings waiting to happen!
i've been on a roll for months - and that is awesome - yay
and i can assure you: i'm just getting warmed up!
to an extent - all this is basically "practice" for a really big art project i am dreaming up
yes yes yes really really really and yay yay yay

peace, kimberly kristin


8/31 update: the internet here is AWESOME
i was able to edit my picture timeline page  - which is so big now that most of the time i have trouble
(because it has a seriously "long-running script") -so i added lots to it - until it got so much bigger
that even this high-speed access can't cope any longer
- that's ok - i added hundreds more pictures* - i definately have made progress
(i have photo storage on the internet so wherever i go i can access my images)

today i am going to add some more pictures to this page:
google continously makes me special gifts of the images i have posted (i get notifications when they do)
i love these picture presents - i am going to add these here and there around this page today
(o: yay :o)


* * *  * * *  * * *




y a y  i t  i s  s p r i n g t i m e


* * *







old 97's set list
wonder ballroom, portland oregon
13 may 2014

* * *

...yay! this was truly such a delightful evening...

i have SO MUCH going on this week
(and today is no exception)
therefore this is not the day for me to write much at all; let alone "catch up"
(wow am i ever behind with writing on recent events; i'm so far away!)
(yet i am making good progress writing my book!)

but this night: tuesday night, 13 may 2014: with all my heart: yay!
i am taking this moment  - before it passes into days or weeks - to write a little.

most of all what i need to say is: THANK YOU with all my heart ken bethea! 

tuesday, when i told you that you had made my day; what an understatement that was.
ken you did so much more than that! you made my past 16 years of days!
...and i genuinely love you for it; you are my hero...

also, from my perspective, angels must have had a hand in tuesday's blessings.
dearest angels: i am so grateful to you. not just for tuesday - although - holy cow for tuesday!
...also for all the times i feel you taking care of me; making magic happen for me...
 yay. yay. yay.


* * *




. . . follow the light . . .


































































































































































* * *








* * *



13 avril




























(o: i am excited to scan and publish this: i will do so very soon :o)


*









* * *

(o: here it is scanned: i love it; and i love drawing; so much :o)






(o: y a y  f o r  a r t :o)


* * *




































































* * *





. . . I JUMPED THROUGH THE CLOUDS . . .




I jumped through the clouds. I rode with the hale. I sat in a field. I walked with the snail.

(Ben Kweller: Time Will Save The Day)































































































































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* * *





































* * *






















* * *


Against Me!
the set list, Hawthorne Theatre
Monday, March 24, 2014

(o: i was in a rush before, now i'm making some photographic revisions. it's still me and the very same set list though :o)














































* * *




spring eve . . .

*hearts and flowers*
3/15-16/2014 self-portrait sessions

















































* * *

today is day 3, month 3, of year 3 - of my protest against new seasons market - i just realized this about the 3 threes - when i was dating my drawing - after already drawing the big 3 (in honor of year 3) - (o: in honor of my courage :o) - and i was like hey: 3/3 of year 3: i like that i am taking note of that, having just drawn this...

also - for a few weeks i have been singing this song to myself, etc - a billion hits - from the disney channel tv show: austin & ally [sung by ross lynch who portrays austin moon - which is so close to my little purple monkey's name: august moon; also ross lynch is what i'd call "dreamy"...] and this song starts out like this:

Didn't go nowhere never left uh
You really thought that I was gone, gone, gone, gone
I heard ya talkin' like I lost my swagger
Said I was over you were wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong...

(o:

anyhow...

i just drew this yay!:




























this is the pencil sketch. next up is ink.
(o: flyers coming very soon :o)


* * *


i did a little more work on it today:






















~ tuesday night, march 4 ~
(o: that moment when i realize my design is destined to become a t-shirt :o)


* * *


i am watching the darren aronofsky film: pi
its fusion of cinematography and editing recalls for me julian jaynes book title:
the origin of consciousness in the breakdown of the bicameral mind.
what i guess i am trying to say by sharing this association is: wow.

(o:

--2:26 am, kimberly kristin, 3/5/14

* * *  * * *  * * *

~ friday: march 7 ~
(o: i am enjoying this :o)















(o: yay yay yay :o)
i have been so busy! and i presently babysit ~26 days a month
which i mention because it is the main reason
that i haven't gone to the library* to scan these yet...
...asap i hope to go to my favorite library and do that
because yay for these pictures - but the scans will publish way nicer.
dearest library i will see you super soon! we will make a day of it!
i LOVE you so very much library!

*actually - i should like to add this - i go to a library almost every day! but the one i need to go to which has the most amenities - including scanning and color printing etc - is further away and takes a lot longer on the bus etc - so i've fallen behind lately on my many scanning projects, archiving etc - but i will get to these drawings very soon because i am too excited to wait very long. i went to kinkos earlier today and had a bunch of copies made and my flyers look so awesome!


3/25/14: here we go:
















 tra la la....

*k*


* * *

 23 février







(o: yay :o)

moments ago, me with my makes-my-heart-super-happy-justin-bieber-swag, late night saturday night leaving downtown on a bus... me moments before that singing "baby" acapella in denise's swanky hotel suite for her special birthday celebration... amazing cookies, goodly gooey chocolatey cupcakes! surrounded by sparkly pretty glittering things and many majestic unicorns...

(o: yay :o)

thank you so much denise and mikayla!

happy joy birthday denise!

*kristin*






































i didn't know there would be prizes: i just felt like singing!
...when, all of-a-sudden, i was given this grand prize!

(o: yay :o)

















* * *




* 12-16 février *












































x o

























* * *



































(o: yay: thank you for this, angels at google! :o)
thank you for making me these gifs!





* * *































































































* * *



* 9 février *


someday i might have plenty enough time, all the proper materials, and the necessary state of mind - all at the same time - in order to post stuff on the main page (home page): today is not that day, again... the problem is: when i post stuff on the home page - i don't find out - until it's too late - whether or not it will just appear at the top with previous posts still displaying - or if the earlier posts will get bumped to the archives. this mostly-only matters to me because if stuff gets bumped to the archives, then the symmetry of my page becomes *fubar* and suddenly i have a lot of repair-work on my hands; if i don't want to wait to fix it all up. waiting for *fubar* to get fixed-up good again: is not a strength of mine...

(o:

*


i had an impromptu photo session today - impromptu: in that no real planning went into it - except to make it happen before all the snow melts - and - yay - i'm glad i did it.

i accomplished something both creative and newly existing.

(o: i like stuff like that: both because of me and of me because :o)


i'm going to soon finish reading *the sirens of titan*

i want to draw more; i've been slacking...

i really am writing a book!

EVERY DAY I WRITE THE BOOK . . .

i was counting on two more years for my second draft - but 2013 didn't result in as much progress as it might have if i only had a home with any permanence. i understand that i should just be grateful to still be alive and to still want to be: i am! but i really want the day to come when my book is done. i am living for that day especially but in order to survive the interim: i must keep on keeping on. i go through a lot - a lot happens to me - that i never document... there's been a lot of that lately.

all this awesome stuff continuously happens to me (yay) but at the almost very same time - bad shit happens too. sometimes the smile on my face is as real as it gets. sometimes i'm skipping over the bad parts. sometimes; something else...

right now at this very minute:
i'm listening to r.e.m. > reckoning > (don't go back to) rockville

so many memories > past, present, future...








* * *









* * *




















* * *


10:42 pm


just because:



  Billy looked at the clock on the gas stove. He had an hour to kill before the saucer came. He went into the living room, swinging the bottle like a dinner bell, turned on the television. He came slightly unstuck in time, saw the late movie backwards, then forwards again. It was a movie about American bombers in the Second World War and the gallant men who flew them. Seen backwards by Billy, the story went like this:

  American planes, full of holes and wounded men and corpses took off backwards from an airfield in England. Over France, a few German fighter planes flew at them backwards, sucked bullets and shell fragments from some of the planes and crewmen. They did the same for wrecked American bombers on the ground, and those planes flew up backwards to join the formation.

  The formation flew backwards over a German city that was in flames. The bombers opened their bomb bay doors, exerted a miraculous magnetism which shrunk the fires, gathered them into cylindrical steel containers, and lifted the containers into the bellies of the planes. The containers were stored neatly in racks. The Germans below had miraculous devices of their own, which were long steel tubes. They used them to suck more fragments from the crewmen and planes. But there were still a few wounded Americans, though, and some of the bombers were in bad repair. Over France, though, German fighters came up again, made everything and everybody as good as new.

---

  When the bombers got back to their base, the steel cylinders were taken from the racks and shipped back to the United States of America, where factories were operating night and day, dismantling the cylinders, separating the dangerous contents into minerals. Touchingly, it was mainly women who did this work. The minerals were then shipped to specialists in remote areas. It was their business to put them into the ground, to hide them cleverly, so they would never hurt anybody again.

  The American fliers turned in their uniforms, became high school kids. And Hitler turned into a baby, Billy Pilgrim supposed. That wasn't in the movie. Billy was extrapolating. Everybody turned into a baby, and all humanity, without exception, conspired biologically to produce two perfect people named Adam and Eve, he supposed.

-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
(Pages 70-72*)
Slaughterhouse-five
("Schlachthof-fünf")

*in this particular edition

peace . . .

*k*


* * *




* * *



* 8 février *

when i was in the 5th grade, i came to have a pen-pal named francine gardner; she lived at 24 cross street s. grafton massachusetts (01560?)... we were so different and lived very different lives with very different families but we really connected and we wrote each other letters for several years. i still have the little ceramic *kissing* boy angel and girl angel which she gave to me for christmas back in the day; i told her i liked the doors and she sent me the soft parade on audio cassette: i still have that too.

i wonder about her often. today is francine's birthday. happy birthday francine!

*

it's been snowing where i live: yay for the snow and its brightening powers.
so awesome!

xo



* * *



* first thursday in february *




. . . stuck in the amber of the moment . . .

( * carrying that torch for so long *)



* * *


seeing traces of the scars that came before
hitting the pavement still asking for more

tear-stained eye; son volt



* * *




* 3 février *

i'm better than ok!

in case i forget:
. . . i feel like i am a flower and they were trying to destroy me . . .

(o: i am a SUPER-STRONG flower :o)

* * *

it's 3:01 am; time to go to bed - and start dreaming - on this extra special day of mine.

are the stars out tonight?

* * *

my heart is hella bonfire-like

* * *

philip seymour hoffman: why did you have to fucking die yesterday? so not cool.

"The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist..." --Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (Schlachthof-fünf)

so it goes...

*k*


(o: bonne année :o)
31 décembre 2013/ 1 janvier 2014




















 




























































































  



























































(o: i am super happy for this happy new year :o)

peace everybody! 








 * * *   * * *   * * *

2013



22 décembre
(photographs: 12/20*21/2013)













(o: the end of a long day - and 3 long challenging weeks - still my inner peace soars :o)





22 décembre

when i had my (professional) music journalism debut at harp magazine, almost 11 years ago, i had an interview piece with josh ritter (who i already knew was awesome) downgraded to a write-up > then to a paragraph and then pulled all together: the reason for this was "i don't think our readers will have enough interest in him" wtf! i almost immediately started my own fanzine (my 2nd effort) featuring josh all over the place, a year later harp's READERS voted josh among its best of the year in music polls, not too long after - fyi - harp folded/closed its doors (o: just sayin' :o)... anyhow i just had these episodic thoughts (o: hey that's good :o) as i read the intro to this link* (while playing this album: the beasts in its tracks) and it occurs to me that this might be an interesting status update - :o) - peace!

http://www.npr.org/2013/06/20/173521132/josh-ritter-on-world-cafe

* "Idaho native and folk-rock singer-songwriter Josh Ritter has been named one of the 100 Best Living Songwriters by Paste..."

 and for your viewing pleasure: some photographs i took of josh at the aladdin theater in portland
(o: 1 avril 2004 :o)

















 


(o: of course there is a set list for this :o)


[ you can see the rest of these which i have published here: autumn shade fanzine photo albums: josh ritter ]


16 décembre

i wrote this short essay - as a comment on a meme (saying, in paraphrase, that we all benefit from public education because of its usefulness for maintaining social order and who wants to live in a world with a bunch of stupid people) - i wrote this comment off the top of my head; though i had been thinking to myself about the downfalls of "education" recently...and i like what i wrote enough to have copied and pasted it so i could repost it on one of my own pages... if i weren't so busy, and already not attending to other writing which i have been slacking on - i might would expand it now - but i'm just too fucking busy to do that at this time - :o) - however i also don't want to forget about what i wrote so far so here it is:

i believe there are very good, well-meaning intentions when it comes to the teachers and other staff members in public education - and i think school can be a rewarding experience in some way or another for most kids (or ideally it is) but i mostly agree with the first part of that statement because it is a deliberate attempt for "social order" in that it also sometimes - whether unintentionally on behalf of teachers (or not) - seems to be just as much about conformity and making everybody think alike and - in many ways - weakens or undermines one's ability to think for oneself or to be great at self-educating. i can only speak for myself - and for myself, some of the brainwashing efforts i witnessed daily (and was punished for resisting) were "regional" - nearly everyone was an "official story" misguided fool when it came to teaching - and also - at times school can feel a lot like a preparatory boot camp...

you don't get a lot of nurturing of your individuality and your own ideas let alone the inconvenient truths about our so-called "american history" and i saw a lot of bullies getting nurtured by the system vs. the bullied.

it was the singular, few great teachers i had contact with that gave me the will to live throughout my school years - and those were the ones who gave me a feeling of being special for my creativity and thinking for myself and took notice of me as an individual not a little sheep-shaped cookie cut out of dough...

so while i think schools are so-deserving of being fully-funded and available to all - i also think the system sucks in a lot of places and that there should be equal if not greater focus on keeping children safe and nurtured - that is where you get the best kind of social order - not from resentful childhood experiences and having to question everything you have been taught for the first 18 years of your life; but by showing all children how awesome they are for being themselves - not by expecting them to be like everybody else; and certainly not by making them feel like there is something wrong with them because of their differences...

(o: peace :o)

--kristin angelique,
13/12/13

* * *

14 novembre
(and i wrote some more - just now - 1:05 am on the 19th)

hi. so i don't really have time to list all my excuses for not updating this page more often, but it's a worthy list! today - right now this minute - i am at the library working on projects involving hella lots of scanning and i need to keep going... some of what i am working on at this time came about because i finally uncovered a lot of things (which i have always intended to scan/publish/etc someday) while i was reorganizing my storage over six days in october... i haven't found everything i am looking for (and i am always finding stuff i'd forgotten i meant to be looking for or have forgotten completely until i find it) and what gets posted this month and in sessions to come isn't necessarily in any prioritized order just that i have my hands on it now so i should back it up while i have the opportunity. having said that - i think i might just post/publish some stuff here for now without worrying where its future destination will be or any other presently arbitrary details like that...

...and having said that about that - here is something that is obviously special to me - it's also very emotionally-loaded - and i just can't go there right now - but maybe someday i will come back to this and say something more...

...i didn't ask for this experience to happen to me and never in a million years would i want to be interviewed in relation to the tragic death of someone i hold so dear; yet this did happen to me...

...i was just in a very particular place at an unplanned particular time... when a news story was being born. was it fate that somebody who reveres elliott's music as much as i do happened to be there at that time - that thought is what talked me into doing it - but i was so confounded by how awkward it felt and how worried i was whether the published piece would truly honor elliott; it was the media after all. i could believe that i might somehow deserve this unwished-for honor (for lack of a better word) to speak about elliott's music for a news story - since elliott's music is woven into the tapestry of my life, profoundly - and because elliott and i had some shared experiences... i knew elliott a little (compared to those who were closest to elliott it was a little but it meant a lot to me) and because i truly care about elliott so much - and because above all else elliott's music has showered me with eternal blessings - i suppose i felt qualified for speaking about elliott from the point of view of a fan of his music but i didn't want to go beyond that... and i totally stuck to that mission statement when the reporter came right to my real-life bedroom to interview me. i never guessed she'd get so personal about my story - and as always: i was very candid, totally honest... however i never suspected for a minute that she'd actually print all that she did about (me) exactly why i connected to some of the saddest songs ever written... i think i was ok with it then, i feel ok with it now, i just never expected for it to be written in such a personal-account kind of way. i thought she'd be more generalized: she was very specific on some things!

i was stunned when i read the paper and saw my own anguish and suicidal depression in print. i wasn't happy about that part (i have never even written about that period in my life yet; i still haven't...) and yet she had really been awesome at her job i guess...getting me to reveal myself like i did (that's not shocking if you know me or hell just even if you know my blog) but i never suspected it would be such a focus of her story about elliott! i wondered how that would look to other people who know elliott but have never met me - or to anyone who would be wondering who i was and thinking it was weird that so much was said about me... so in putting all those concerns together - i then really felt restless about the whole story in particular and how in the hell she chose for it to become so much about me?!

anyhow - aside from feeling um, bamboozled??? by the press* and therefore kind of like a sucker for not having realized what i had potentially opened myself up for (o: i am still trying to master that lesson :o) - i did think inara verzemnieks wrote her story quite well. i maybe needed to step away from it. well 10 years later i have unpacked it and just read it for the first time since i packed it away with other keepsakes. apparently, i'd actually forgotten just how intensely personal this story had gotten and so all over again it's like whoa... but not all over again - because it has never stopped - is my restless and anguished inability to speak about elliott's death. i will never be able to think of elliott as dead: he's so alive to me... for me, elliott just is and always will be...

(*inara - fyi - was very nice (and very pretty) and a hell of a good listener; geesh!)

...i helped begin the memorial wall for elliott - the very first day/evening - and then every day that followed - i came for hours every day up until when the city in one swoop swept it all away...

i also have my own photo journal from this time which i have already published in various places but not here yet i don't think...


this is an album i made at my facebook page for my fanzine
*autumn shade fanzine*

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.158385500948740.33023.144238675696756&type=3


so i know i just said a lot (more than i set out to when i started my first sentence of this entry...) it's still an experience that is really hard for me to talk about... all of it... except to tell you that i love, loved and always will love elliott smith so very much and i am incredibly grateful for the special appearances which elliott made in my life - and nobody, not this charismatic reporter, and probably not even myself, can probably truly encapsulate just how special elliott's music is. i know i am not alone when i say that elliott smith's songwriting - (i'd like to credit kurt vonnegut for my use of this analogy) - is all the proof i need for the existence of god... and elliott's voice: an angel's softest whispers (i wrote that).














20 octobre















 







18 octobre



 

















17 octobre



 



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13 octobre





























































































































































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14 septembre


 









 







































8 septembre





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I think it’s really important for the human race to be able to talk about all of the issues which conspire to divide us; it’s especially frustrating to me that so many of these issues should be irrelevant and yet instead they are often the most divisive of all. I think it’s probably human nature – for better or worse – which causes conflicts between people who have vastly different customs and opinions than one another… Please know that I am not saying this is cool or even always acceptable just that it’s probably an issue which will eventually arise when these different societies come face to face with each other and for anyone comfortable with their way of doing things and uncomfortable with other ways of doing those things they are likely to choose a side to be on over the issue if lines are being drawn…

But the divisions among us which are arbitrary: skin color is hair color is eye color is the color of shirt you might wear… it’s color and just like our hair and eyes, skin color is genetic, geographical and it is arbitrary when it comes to actual differences – the kind of differences that might be understandable do not apply to color – it is incomprehensible to me that we – as a species – should be differentiating between each other because of our color make-up…

So sometimes I think – perchance to dream – that if we just stop mentioning differences in color – by saying black and white (*obviously there are other skin colors; hold that thought I guess…) – it might eventually go away.

That kind of rationalizing has become an awkward silence in the wake of Trayvon Martin.

[This is obviously an understatement…]

In the last ~ two weeks here in Portland, I have attended a march/rally organized by the Portland group Campaign to End the New Jim Crow in answer to Rev. Al Sharpton’s call for a National Day of Action demanding justice for Trayvon Martin (July 20 2013) – and most recently, a town-hall-style event presented by McKenzie River Gathering –  Responding to Injustice:  A Community Conversation with MRG Foundation (July 30 2013)…

I had a lot of thoughts that I was still wrapping my head around – and some things which I have been pondering since my early childhood (which I was better-prepared to speak about) – but I didn’t actually expect to be one of the speakers at the march and rally; so I wasn’t as prepared as I might have been if I had written anything beforehand – but I touched on a lot of what has been on my mind during my impromptu speech…  From my point-of-view I think I did a pretty good job – and yay – for those moments of clarity (with a microphone to make it so people could hear me)…

Following my unrehearsed statements about the history of the civil rights struggle in general, my personal experiences with confronting racism and other forms of persecuted discrimination (i.e. sexism and homophobia) – and my reaction to the unfathomable freeing of Trayvon Martin’s murderer (I don’t like to say his killer’s name) – and another week to have it all gel: I was better-prepared to speak during the conversation we gathered for last week. Instead I found myself just actively listening (and waiting to speak but then our time in the hall was up); although I did engage in some great follow-up dialogue after the main event was concluded…

I am hoping to attend a “Race Talks” forum tomorrow night (8/6/13) at Jefferson High School, there is another similar event on the 16th at the Kennedy School. Every first and third Saturday the aforementioned Campaign to End the New Jim Crow meets at PCC-Cascade (which is where I attended the July 30 MRG Foundation event as well, we gathered there in Terrell Hall) – and later this month on August 24, Portland will gather to march in honor of the 50th Anniversary of the March on Washington…

The time is ripe for discussing the ever-still-pervasiveness of racial inequality and there are many opportunities to get involved in these discussions and the need for a coalition is truly great; I want to take part; I want to be a part of the solution…

Like I tried to say – as best as I could – while in attendance at the National Day of Action March and Rally: Racism is not invisible to me. I was born in Little Rock Arkansas. My parents had recently been teenagers at Little Rock’s racially-historic Central High School… I was taught the history of the struggle for racial equality by my parents (and later through self-education and then school, college…) as well as the current social conditions which demonstrated the ongoing need for fighting racism… I have listened to a myriad of incidences of my “white” parents witnessing racism against non-whites, including how a school-friend of my mother’s was beaten by police when they searched him and found in his wallet, the photograph she had given him of herself…

My parents published an underground newspaper in Little Rock (A Different Drummer) and in addition to confronting racist America  in general, my mother inspirationally chronicled the Black Panthers… For me personally, the Black Panthers were heroes who founded free lunch programs for poor children… Soon after moving from Arkansas, growing up  in Boise, Idaho – in what was (for the most part) a homogenous sea of white people – and asking myself, at age nine: Where are all the other people? …Overhearing racist (and sexist and homophobic etc) rhetoric in my elementary school and eventually more of the same in Junior High (in Nampa Idaho) – and especially so when I visited previously unknown-to-me relatives in East Texas – I was no stranger to racist culture.

I have also witnessed first-hand: blatant racism in supposedly more politically-progressive cities, like Denver Colorado for instance – and right here in Portland Oregon.

When I spoke at the rally, I recounted how I had encountered racial-profiling and racism while working as a clerk at Tower Records. On one particular day I overheard two white male store-security guards vocalizing their frustration and anger over having watched a customer for as long as they had – the customer was a young black man – walk up to the counter and PAY for the stack of CDs he had carried around with him as he shopped…  They had presumed that the customer would shoplift just because he was black. I was very saddened by hearing them talk the way they did - and I was mad that they were mad – because he hadn’t provided them with an opportunity to bust him. WTF!

Because I had witnessed this dialogue between these two security personnel – I myself was pre-disposed to profiling them as racist and unjust – so when on another particular day I witnessed them overtly-harassing a young “black” kid – who was suspected of shoplifting with another kid (who had fled the store and not yet been apprehended) – I couldn’t help myself from feeling that I had to intervene on his behalf: I first asked permission to speak to the child from my manager, who was also overhearing what I was, and I was actually granted my manager’s permission. I told the child that he had the right to remain silent and that he could wait until his mother arrived before answering any other questions...

…Well I got fired for doing that. I wish I hadn’t been fired: I really loved my job at the record store – and probably I didn’t really help the kid in the long-run – but for me:  remaining silent in the face of racist behavior was not an acceptable option. I might wish I could do something bigger and more important than speaking up for that kid – and I really wish I could have kept that job – but every opportunity we have – to stand up to anything racist or even suspiciously so (slightly racist is still racist – all racism is totally racist…) is – in my opinion – my responsibility:  otherwise instead of being a part of the solution; you are instead a part of the problem.

It felt very reaffirming to me last week – when (I believe it was our local activist, Joanne Hardesty) a woman in the audience gave an answer to the question of ~ ”what ‘white people’ can do to help counter racism…” –  stating that something important that we can do as allies, is to speak up in the places she (as a black person) can’t; because no ‘people of color’ are there to speak for themselves…  [Another woman called this racism out for what it is: white supremacy] … It is imperative for ‘white people’ to truly confront and counter white supremacy (and to own up to “white privilege”)…

…So maybe I didn’t directly help that child accused of shoplifting… But at that time and in that moment:  it was one black child in a room of white adults – and I wanted him to know that he had my solidarity; I wanted the two white-supremacist security guards to know that THEY DID NOT have my solidarity. That was what I was trying to accomplish when I “interfered” with the business they were conducting. This is why it mattered to me and this is why I feel that I was right to stand up to racism regardless of the personal outcome of losing my job for doing that. This is why I would do it all again.

So there it is: I am trying not to shy away from talking about race and I do want to be a participant in this vital conversation. It has felt very right for me to have attended these recent community events and I hope to attend many more and I am totally marching on August 24 in commemoration of the March on Washington fifty years ago on August 28 1963…

I want to go on record for all this: These issues are important to me. Acknowledging that, 50 years following that march for freedom, America is still very racist – culturally and systemically - and that there is still a lot of work to collectively be done as we continue to struggle for the fulfillment of the dream which I and so many others share with Martin Luther King Jr. A dream which is reliant on us to carry its torch…

Yet I also am (desperately) trying to say that there is more than just racial inequality that is bothering me and weighing on my mind when it comes to what has happened to Trayvon Martin and to what didn’t happen to the man who murdered him. Everything about this “case” is blatantly racist. So the need to address racism in relation to Trayvon’s case is evident; but what about all the rest of it!?
It’s not enough for me that people have an understanding that Stand Your Ground laws are a massive failure (though I attest that they are doing exactly what ALEC and the NRA hope they will) and need to be changed; that a jury was handicapped in delivering justice because of adherence to these laws nor even that the irony has been pointed out  that Trayvon is being denied his full-rights under these same laws… Yay that America has not slept through this trial. Yay that America is collectively picking up the conversation where it apparently left off somewhere along the line…  Yay if these discussions eventually lead to greater equality in our justice system (that would be wonderful!) and yay if we don’t back down from the fight to protect our voting rights, etc and so on…

Yay for all that can be and might be made more positive… For me – though – I am not ready to stop talking about Trayvon specifically…

I am presently holding out the hope for the Department of Justice to continue their investigation and hopefully take the case head-on and charge Trayvon’s murderer with whatever they have the power to in this particular situation – but with or without that occurrence: There has been a blatant miscarriage of justice in Trayvon’s case and I may not have any specific idea about what I personally can do to change the status of this injustice but I don’t think I can let it go until I have thought of everything and figured something out…

I watched most of this trial – I saw some of it live and had a friend record many of the court sessions which I could not watch in real-time. Mostly I wanted to know how the trial proceeded and whether it seemed fair; if the prosecution seemed to be doing their job, etc… I wanted to be as informed as it was possible for me to be. However – I have never doubted that Trayvon was innocent – and that he had been murdered. Therefore, when so much evidence was available that this was in fact the case – evidence=evident – I guess I became complacent to the extent that I naively assumed that the jury would find Trayvon’s killer guilty of murder...

Well, considering their epic failure to do what was right – as a jury – and hand down the most severe sentence possible; it might seem confusing that I think the charge (and therefore the verdict) should have been even stronger – that this is a case of first degree murder…

Because not only do I not believe the testimony of the man who killed Trayvon Martin – I think that he is lying about everything! I think that there is sufficient evidence that this was a situation of prepared patience, that Trayvon was not just in the wrong place at the wrong time and how unfortunate this was for him; but that his killer had been preparing and waiting for such a moment – and that Trayvon was a premeditated victim because he embodied what his killer was profiling and targeting and that a lot of careful deliberation went into that so-called chance encounter…  I know that it’s possible and I suspect that it is true. I also have a gut-feeling that Trayvon’s murder was staged to appear as self-defense – and there is no way for me to be certain I guess (I guess…) but it certainly could be easy to make it look like Trayvon was the aggressor even after he had been murdered – because all that would need to happen to make it appear that way is to place Trayvon’s body on top and fake the screams for help, the attacker could even bang his own head onto the concrete to further the appearance of acting in self-defense – all of this could take place after shooting Trayvon; it could have happened that way. This is if we are to take the so-called witness at their word of reporting how things appeared… So if I am to believe this is what the witness believes occurred – it could still have all been done with smoke and mirrors; do you see what I mean?

…Of course it “really matters” but for the case of my argument I am tempted to say that really, none of that should matter – whether Trayvon was acting in self-defense or was already dead – what matters most is that Trayvon was the victim: No matter how you grasp the evidence about how and when he died – there is no confusion (that I can see) to the confession of Trayvon’s killer that he did in fact shoot him dead, to the evidence that he had been following/stalking Trayvon and that Trayvon had committed no crime… The lack of evidence demonstrating that Trayvon had been physically threatening is very important to the case but again – if anyone had the right to “stand their ground” it was Trayvon. If anyone can justly claim self-defense; it would only be Trayvon who could do that… There is no room for any other reasoning in my mind to justifying any of the behavior of Trayvon’s murderer. This is not OK. I am not able to make peace with this… I am searching for answers and while I appreciate all the solidarity I am witnessing with regards to this injustice – I need more than solidarity to find closure to this tragedy. I demand justice. Please don’t let this fight be over or become stagnant… Please let us keep finding a way – whatever precedent we can bring about – to turn the tables on the incomprehensible verdict of “not guilty”. Trayvon’s murderer is guilty. Trayvon Martin is an innocent child who was racistly murdered. I demand justice for Trayvon Martin.

JUSTICE FOR TRAYVON MARTIN NOW!

Kristin Angelique
5 August 2013

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2 août 2013




yay. that's me (kristin angelique, ponytail-and-stripes...)
in a once in a lifetime truly sublime moment of inspiration...


this was a very special and inspiring experience for me.
thank you to everyone who helped organize this.
khalil, lew, kathleen and sharon: thank you so much!

dr. bonnie reagan's attendance was an especially wonderful surprise for me.
my most favorite doctor ever.

joanne: you are awesome...

i am grateful for so many profound and assuring voices, and in knowing that we are all committed to doing what we can and what we must do together - (like kathleen described) - a coalition - in true solidarity with each other:

for trayvon - for our voting rights - and for honoring each and every responsibility that is ours - to protect the future of the whole world and everyone yet to be born - as we continue the incredible struggle of all the truly heroic activists who have collectively shouldered just about every privilege we collectively have -
and which we must not take for granted.

...so many issues of so much importance; our voting power is vital to it all...

(o: p.s. kathleen: a super big yay for you :o)



"Talking about Stand Your Ground and the gutting of the Voting Rights Act with @MRGFoundation."
Photo credit: Jeff Selby

[L to R: Khalil Edwards, Lew Frederick, Kathleen D Gunnell Saadat, Sharon Gary-Smith]

PCC-Cascade, Terrell Hall, Portland Oregon
July 30 2013


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noël en juillet

























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(published on 31/7/13)




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21 juillet

from yesterday's national day of action
JUSTICE FOR TRAYVON MARTIN
march and rally
july 20 2013, portland oregon


(photos by jesse nfinite naledge duarte)













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15 Juillet 2013


Dearest Trayvon: I may not have known you but you have touched my life in the most profound way; I truly care about you and how much your life mattered and always will. I am extremely grateful for all this collective solidarity - and it fills my heart with so much hope. Yet - for me, this shall NOT soon pass. For me, this isn't over... I know your family will keep your memory alive and so many people will continue to fight for justice in memory of you. I am just one of these people - yet even if I were all alone in this - I would see this through. I do not accept the jury's verdict as it is wholly unacceptable to me. Trayvon you have my solidarity forever and always. --Kristin Angelique






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* i love this *
 


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* 13/6/13 *



10 juin 2013





(o: happy birthday for me :o)



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7 juin 2013











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6 juin 2013



















































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5 juin 2013

(o: SATURN is in the sky right above me :o)

i've been stargazing extra much so...

and reading and watching carl sagan's cosmos (watching all 13 hours for the second time) (oh and i just checked out a book which is a biography of carl sagan) (plus all the other books i am reading which also now includes infinite jest . . . )

everything: stardust























30 mai 2013






"there are two kinds of people in this world and i don't like them"


(o: grumpy cat really is REAL! :o)

http://youtu.be/Evhg8k4xD64 (CNN story - posted tonight - and i just watched it)

i was just telling my friend chris this (via facebook) - and after that; just now - i thought:
"i will blog this"

(o: i feel affection for this cat; knowing "grumpy cat" is a real cat, alive and well, makes me happy :o)

. . . if i was named "tardar sauce" (sic) i wouldn't like it; if people insisted on calling me this for the rest of my life: i imagine i'd be at least a little grumpy . . .


 

29 mai 2013


 


(o: this book is so wonderful :o)
THE DISCOVERERS
by Daniel J Boorstin

 

9 mai 2013

(o: hi :o)

i think i might find some time soon - to do some just because creative writing - i really want to make time for this; i really hope to! it's most important to me to be completing my book - this usually always comes first - but i certainly have lots of other writing trying to get written...

i always try my very best to seize opportunities as they arise - especially those which might not pop up again anytime soon: this last week has presented me with an opportunity to be a model...

(o: hopefully this opportunity continues because i am just getting warmed up :o)









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so... as an actor - yes: i can cry on demand - but these are real tears. in the midst of this session i received a very emotional phone call - i didn't want to cry - but i couldn't help it... i could have stopped taking pictures, but two things occurred to me: i always try to keep it real - so why hide my tears - and: gee i don't think i have any portraits of me crying - yet:

















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(cinco de mayo 2013)



24 avril 2013
10:25 pm


dear moon: you sure are beautiful tonight and i really enjoyed talking to you earlier. when i see you tomorrow night - i will be in another city then - knowing that you will still be there up in the sky and i will still see you - that is so awesome.

i love you so very much dearest friend,
kimberly kristin




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misunderstood
14 mars 2013

1:11 a.m.

about 2 hours ago i drew 3 new pictures - here they are...

















the truth is that it was genocide




hi. it's been a few days. i've been writing a lot in my head and  working on my book (yay). i've had some very pleasant surprises (yay) and unfortunately some super-stressful situations to worry about. so my days have been both bad and good - but yay for every day - for it being another day and even more yayness for days that have pleasant surprises and you couldn't help but feel really happy in spite of your worries.


i also should just be focusing on being so lucky to have not been more fucked-up or even dead -  ):  - and for my arm to be healing really good. my cast is off my arm (it was removed last friday, 6 days ago) and oh how i love my arm and i am so sad it got hurt and it's been pretty scary worrying about it (and it really hurt for a while) but i really believe it's going to be ok soon and i am super grateful. in another post i expressed my like and trust for my surgeon: he is very nice - but in this case, maybe more importantly, he's also so good! he didn't kill me or damage me, my arm is definitely so incredibly much better, and though i obviously now have a scar where they had to slice my wrist open for the surgery to put my wrist back together - my very-skilled surgeon did a really good job and because i have magical skin (i really do!) it's not very visible already (also, fyi: vitamin e oil is a good ointment for preventing lasting scars). it's not a bad scar even now and it doesn't bother me per se, and it's underneath my wrist; but i wonder if people will see it and wonder if i did this to myself. good grief: i could never cut myself (not on purpose!)... it's the sort of thing people would be shy to ask about so i hope that i notice - if they notice - so i can say something about it being a surgical scar...


it is so nice to have my cast off. i can take showers again. i have a removable brace for certain activities but mostly my arm is free to be itself now, as much as it can... my hand got fucked-up being in the cast (especially because of how my wrist had to be set) so it's not working very good yet - but i am taking good care of it - and  gently making it stronger. it's connected to my wrist which had  been destroyed (before the surgery to reconnect it) so i have to be extra careful with my hand too while i keep healing, but i am so grateful it can still do things at all; when it gets strong again i think it will be almost as good as new. i'm not yet sure i will be able to bend my wrist again some day... it's weird in a way - i can't bend it now but it isn't much of an impairment for most things (so far). there's been a couple things where i had to find a new angle to approach a task but so far i have compensated for my injury. which is cool.


the weather has been amazing and i have loved being outside. spring yay!



if it wasn't for the things which i am worried about everything would be groovy; but better to be worrying on a beautiful day than having a worrisome day that also sucks -  :o)  - every cloud has a silver-lining (sometimes)... (so maybe every sun ray sparkle has its moments too?)



ne jamais abandonner!


kimberly kristin







1 mars 2013

11:52 p.m.

(o: i've been listening to music, thinking, and writing in pictures the most lately :o)



















28 février 2013

4:20 a.m.



losering (patiently)



27 février 2013


8:00 p.m.












. . . a question mark . . .



. . . a question mark . . .



12:35 a.m.


a bell and a whistle




http://kristinangelique.blogspot.com/p/kristins-artwork.html





26 février 2013


i am still lit; i want justice for TRAYVON MARTIN!







17 février 2013


afternoon update: yay for all of you who made it to dc! and to all those participating in solidarity rallies elsewhere! http://action.sierraclub.org/site/PageServer?pagename=forwardonclimate_livestream






17 février 2013

(i was going to say the 16th because i haven't gone to bed yet, but it's almost 5am)


i just went 24 hours without a painkiller - it's a big deal - as i've been taking a dose every ~4 hours for the last ~24 days... they are prescribed - i've needed them - but the side-effects are getting to be too much for me. i totally wish i had marijuana but alas i do not... i have been halfing my dosage for a week and then i got a new prescription, which was half the strength of the former one, and for another week (this past week) i actually halfed that - taking me to 25% strength of my original prescription - in an effort to lessen the side-effects even more, and to begin to wean myself off these: i am super proud of myself. oh yeah - technically i was prescribed 1-2 every 4 hours - and yet i only ever took one at a time - i did that for two weeks and practically was comatose (i didn't dare try 2 at a time knowing that just 1 did this to me)... so yay for me not abusing prescription drugs; the last thing i need right now is a drug addiction. i will likely continue to take (half of) one pill, from my current prescription, in order to sleep more comfortably... it's so hard to sleep comfortably with this cast - plus i do have to still be very careful with my arm - even with a cast. falling asleep has always been so easy for me; but not now. ideally i get to have the cast taken off in 3 weeks. my next medical appointment is scheduled for march 8; i'll know more then.

25.5 hours - my very first try - i've done it! yay! i'm going to sleep imminently - and plan to take my half-dose first - but even so, i will have gone from ~6 doses per day to just one before bedtime. i want to say it again: i am super proud of me!

when i woke up this morning - well by morning i mean 2pm because i'm on a weird schedule; i hadn't gone to bed until 4:30 am - i'd just awakened from a dream about tim. it was a friendly dream - so far my "tim dreams" always are pleasant: yay for that; sincerely; this makes my heart super happy... but it was a little bizarro - i was babysitting i guess? (this is the second time in a row, in a tim dream, that a baby was featured - i think i'm just babysitting) and in a big backyard and tim was mowing the grass and asked me to "gaffe the video" and handed me a camera - i was like, "how do i gaffe a video?" and i don't think he could hear me over the lawnmower - so i winged it and just filmed him... then we were on a greyhound-like bus looking for coordinated seating... that's when i woke up... i think the neighbor maybe had been mowing his lawn, i'd been thinking about a newer picture i'd just seen of tim before i went to sleep - i guess it makes good dream-sense - i'm not sure where the bus fits in - except i'm extremely anxious to get back to portland so i can complete my preparations to return to denver where i'm at least temporarily planning to move again. i plan to go by bus, as i usually do... i see flying as an unnecessary risk and also i like to see the scenery - and i'm a pro: i know hwy 84 from oregon to idaho by heart and i also have from boise to slc to denver memorized... i love to do this - but not with a broken arm (too much luggage) - thus my great delay and accruing anxiousness...

[actually, i'd absolutely be on a bus to dc RIGHT NOW for the forward on climate rally if i only had the money to do that; i'd be on a bus to dc from new york where i would have first protested in holley county on saturday/16th against a killing spree contest aimed at squirrels...]

i drew a new picture today and i love it; i'll share it soon - it's a tribute to "march" - so i'm waiting until march - i thought it might take me longer but i somehow finished it in just a few hours. drawing with one arm is harder than i thought - but this is my 8th drawing since i broke my arm: i rock!

i listened to new music too (courtesy of my dad): arcade fire's the suburbs, emotionalism by the avett brothers (i liked 3 songs a lot, the rest didn't do much for me to be honest - but 3 of them really stood out as great songs - i gave the cds back to my dad and don't remember the exact titles but - approximately - the ballad of love and hate, i would be sad - and i totally blank on the other one, but there was another one) - (i really liked all of arcade fire's songs...) and the other cd was swoon by silversun pickups: a really good album! i also listened for the first time to a cd that i gave my dad about 9 years ago: a cd which i burned in nyc, from my friend bob's amazing music collection (i too have an amazing collection, so does my dad, but bob has a truckload of rarities, also he's a dj...) - it's john lennon being interviewed and playing music on a nyc radio show (wnew) in 1974. it is awesome! i might have my own copy somewhere in my storage - if i truly gave this copy to my dad - but i think it was a loan and i just never got it back; but anyhow i finally listened to it and it is so freaking awesome... alas, it is also sad in retrospect - especially when he talks about how nyc is so cool (true) and he can go out and about and maybe get asked for an autograph but usually people just want to shake his hand... that brought tears to my eyes; sigh... but the rest of the 2 hours was very uplifting... and the next thing i knew: i had finished my drawing; coloring and everything...

ok it's approaching 6am and i'm ready for bed, but i'll write more asap.

oh yeah - i almost forgot - here are my post-surgery x-rays and a very detailed account of my surgery: courtesy of my wonderful doctor/orthopedic surgeon who i like so very much.

peace and love! *kimberly kristin*






(o: yay for surviving this :o)





14 février 2013


joyeuse saint-valentin! happy valentine's day!

i made 6 valentines in the last two weeks, i gave 4 of these away before i was able to scan them but i did scan two - one before i mailed it - and the other one i'm keeping and just posting it in places where i am sharing it with my friends. i already (a moment ago) posted that one on my home page - but i will post it here too; and i also posted both of these at my artwork page...




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this is a special valentine which i made for my special sweetheart, adara. she is seven now (wow) - but when she was 3, i entrusted her with taking good care of my special barbie doll - who looks just like this - and adara did play carefully with her and so she is still in perfect condition. i asked adara if she had any special requests for what i would draw for her and she asked for a barbie valentine. i said (approximately): "oh; well i will try but barbie looks a lot like a real person and i have a harder time drawing real people than other things that i am better at drawing..." then adara assured me i am a great artist and that i did a terrific job at drawing (adara) for her special birthday drawing... oh, how sweet! i promised i'd do my best... then she started describing what barbie might wear - then, with her mother's help, she proclaimed: you could draw your special barbie with the dress with all the hearts on it! well, yay! that was an especially great idea; particularly because although that barbie is presently packed away in my storage space, i just so happen to have a photograph of adara playing with my barbies (when she was 3) and this particular barbie is featured in this photograph - though i've had her for so many years that i remember her from memory, too - the photograph would likely be helpful. even more helpful was finding a picture of the same "sweetheart barbie" at google, but i wasn't expecting that (i love you google!)... anyhow - this valentine has this story so i thought i'd share it... it turned out really good, i think. yay! and i am extra happy that adara called me today to say she got it in the mail today. this was my goal - that it arrive on time - and that is why i stayed up all night sunday night finishing it (i finished at 8am) so i could put it in monday's mail at the post office. oh - and for the record: i drew this and colored this with just one unbroken arm! it really only takes one arm, but usually the second arm holds the paper still etc; but i did ok - and yay for it!







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these valentines - are for you tim! - they were meant for me to give you; they must be...
i know they are a little silly (o: yay :o) but oh my gosh! i found these one moonlit night (august 27 2012) when i found my special monkey doll (whom i named "august moon")... i was walking from brooklyn street skate spot, and (i swear on this!) as i arrived at the corner of se 20th and brooklyn street (which as you know is the corner of the apartment building, barrington terrace?, where you had been living before you moved away on ~ july 26 2011) - and right there on the sidewalk - was a little pile of treasures... in addition to my sweet little monkey friend (who is now also my very good luck charm) - were these valentines! (which of course is significant because when i gave you a valentine for the first time, that first thursday in february 2011, that is when i most-believed that you must love me too, because you held me in your arms so sweetly and... valentines with monkeys on them! and given our special "monkey" connection (o: i still have the monkey drawing you made for me :o) - plus: THAT LOCATION, plus: the conversation i'd just been having with the moon only seconds before - plus: having just wistfully thought so specially of you (and my eternal love for you) to then find these particular valentines - of course it seems as if they were meant to be found by me and shared with you.

...it was a very wowing moment to say the least...

i scanned these a while back at the library, it's been since august, and i'd saved them in one of my online albums, so that i would have easy access to them wherever i might be* come valentine's day and since today it's finally valentine's day - i will share them with you now.
(here at my blog for now...)

joyeuse saint-valentin, timothy! je t'aime!
paix!








*august moon is with me even now; ideally, i'll take august moon with me wherever i go, along with cuddles and juniper of course!
...thanks to them i am always surrounded by a very magical love...



august moon and my skateboard
sky-bridge at brooklyn street skate spot, september 2012
chalk message and photograph by me, for you, tim




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if you've visited this page before - and wonder where the entries from december 11, 2012 - february 2, 2013 went: i reconstructed them (exactly as they appeared here) as a post, which i published on february 13, 2013 - if it's still early 2013 when you read this, chances are you will find that post on the home page, but this is the link to the post:

an enigma wrapped in a mystery and covered with secret sauce

(i had another entry for february 3 too, it's now its own post: when the waves were smaller)

meanwhile - i'll still use this page as my temporary posting page - just like before.

peace!

*kristin*

2/13/13

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oh yeah: this website (which is so cool! yay for this website) only allows 20 pages to display in its listing of the pages - and i maybe can make other pages and manually link them but i haven't figured out how to find any '21st" page that i make and i'd freak out if i accidentally wipe out some other page... well i already had 20 pages and so i had to eliminate one - i chose the one that was only about 2 pages long "40 watt club: just because i love you" - so that is why i am going to put these things here for now: ok? peace! --kristin, 12/11/12











(o: i took this picture :o)


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older entries (part one) for this page; i made posts of those here:

an enigma wrapped in a mystery and covered with secret sauce

(another entry for february 3 too, it's now its own post: when the waves were smaller)



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